Rating: G
Summary: Love is not as easily broken as a certain entertainment company would like you to believe and brotherhood is not so fragile that it snaps when stretched across long distances. An ~~abbreviated~~ guide to the TVXQ lawsuit and why keeping the faith is more than just a saying.
Warning: HOLY MOTHER OF SIWON, WHY IS THIS SO LONG?! Unsolicited opinions regarding the TVXQ lawsuit. Once again, snark equals love. I forever have faith in OT5. Written as if you're still innocent to this whole JYJ vs. HoMin thing. Full o' pictures, gifs and video links, so not dial-up friendly.
Disclaimer: Jaejoong and Yunho belong to each other. All other rights belong to S.M. Entertainment, Avex, C-JeS and Time Warner Entertainment. I claim no ownership of pictures, gifs or edits unless otherwise stated.

part i (ot5) | part ii (yunjae)

To YunJae or Not to YunJae: That is the Question

And now, finally, we can get to the point of my ridiculous ramblings: YunJae. YunJae before the lawsuit was a force to be reckoned with. There were fan cafes, television episodes and whole novels written on the subject. The boys acknowledged their fan fictions and teased shippers with their relationship. Changmin withered in the cross hairs of their intense gazes, Yoochun giggled as he forced one or both of his hyungs to admit just how special they were to each other and Junsu either remained adorably excluded from the YunJae fanclub or ridiculously flailed about in an attempt to cover for his hyungs obvious behavior.

It was so easy to prove the existence of YunJae before. It was everywhere. Hell, the real challenge was trying to figure out which evidence of YunJae was the most YunJae-y.

Answer: This one.

Things are different now. Being a YunJae fan is not as simple as it once was. Now that everyone's favorite pair are no longer working and promoting together, some fans are stating that the most appropriate thing to do would be to shelve YunJae and forget that it ever existed. That would mean no more banners, fan chants or LED signs at concerts. No more YunJae posters, gifts or autographs. No more acknowledging the relationship they shared before the suit.

That's a tall order. These two are extremely hard to forget.

When is comes to YunJae before the split, my confidence with them was strong and unwavering. YunJae was real and YunJae was fact. Don't like it? Sorry, but they clearly do. You disagree? Then explain to me why do they keep touching each other. "Just friends" you say? How many friends do you know stroke the inside of each others' thigh?

Or provide each other with possessive little shoulder massages?

I don't have that same confidence now. It's not that I still don't believe in the emotions between them; I just don't know if acknowledging them is doing more harm than good. There are some days when I have a very "fuck the police" type of attitude about things (YunJae today, YunJae tomorrow, YunJae forever!). But then there are other days when I am the police (Jaejoong is crying. Will you all just shut up and leave him alone!).

Some days, and it's usually those days when JYJ appear to be thriving, there seems to be no harm in playing the YunJae game again. Jaejoong giggles at the sound of Yunho's name and the other two smile along, and I think to myself, I will always love this, this YunJae. Until the boys stop flaunting their YunJae couple gifts, I'll ship YunJae. Until Yoochun decides to give up his role as YunJae's biggest fanboy, I'll ship YunJae. Until Jaejoong stops favoring YunJae fan clubs, I'll ship YunJae. Until they both stop reacting so strongly to the other's name, image, presence, etc., I'll ship YunJae. I'll read the fics, I'll coo over images, I'll smirk at the rumors. Because, as of late, that's the only thing that keeps my TVXQ heart from breaking.

That and this gif. Look at it. It's ridiculous.

But, just as often, there are moments when that seems incredibly selfish. These days, being a YunJae fan means to subsist mostly on faith and devotion to the boys and their past bond. And every now and then, like all fans, I have my doubts about the state of that bond. Sometimes, when Jaejoong looks especially weary and I remember just how much they've struggled, I think that maybe it would be better for everyone to just move on. I know that it must be painful for him to hear Yunho's name getting called out by fangirls after being separated from him for so long. And maybe, it would help us all to heal if we just gave YunJae a rest, at least for a time.

But the thing is, even with all this mental back and forth, I never completely give up the love. For me, relinquishing my fondness for YunJae would mean giving up my faith in OT5. I still believe that there exists a strong bond between Jae and Yunho. And I believe that if there is anything in this world that can reunite TVXQ, it's that bond. Harsh orders and media blackouts won't bring JYJ back to S.M. Entertainment. And if the lure of millions (or billions) of won and complete creative control didn't convince HoMin to leave at the beginning of the law suit, it ain't going to now. However, as corny as this sounds, we as a people tend to do crazy things in the name of love, friendship, brotherhood and nostalgia. And you know what? I don't think mending a rift such as the one that sprung up in this group—this family—is all that crazy.

I mean, they've never failed each other before.

So, I don't continue shipping YunJae because I think they're secretly dating nor am I drawn in by the whole "star-crossed" lover angle the split has now provided the relationship. I keep shipping YunJae for one very simple reason: They are my hope.

I am way too invested in these two.

Remember the way these two used to look out for one another? Remember the hugs and the touches? Remember the warm words and soft teasing? Yeah, that's love. You can feel free to go ahead and argue what type of love it is (platonic, romantic, brotherly or whatever), but it's still love. And this is what I know about love: Love is kind. Love is forgiving. Love holds no grudges. Love is quick to help and slow to judge. Love heals. And that's exactly what this fandom needs if it ever hopes to get through this in one piece.

Now, because I respect JYJ fans decision to support only JYJ, TV2XQ fans decision to support only Yunho and Changmin and non-YunJae fans decision to dislike YunJae, I expect all of those other groups to respect my decision to care for YunJae and OT5. (Did that sentence make any sense? I'm sick of all these fandom factions already.)

There's quite a bit of contempt floating around the fandom for YunJae that is both disheartening and frustrating. This is seems to be especially true of the JYJ- or TV2XQ-only fans. (I have no idea why and this is only an observation, but OT5 fans seem to be more tolerant.) And from what I've noticed, a big chunk JYJ- and TV2XQ-fans tend to be relatively new to the fandom.

Well, let me just take this time to say, "Hi, new guys! Welcome to the fandom. I certainly know that I have no right to tell you what to like or accept. I understand that you may not really get YunJae. That's perfectly reasonable; but please, if you are a new fan, do not tell me I'm 'pathetic' or 'delusional' for continuing to support the boys. YunJae has impacted the fandom in ways you may never really understand. And it's been around a great deal longer than both JYJ and TV2XQ. So forgive me and my squishy shipping heart if I keep favoring these two."

I'm starting to sound kind of bitter. Here's a picture of young Yunho and Jaejoong scratching a puppy to lighten the mood.

Now, I support YunJae. Does that mean I support some of the more "controversial" happenings surrounding YunJae? Eh…not necessarily. Above all, I support the privacy, health and happiness of the boys. You can be a YunJae fan and still value all of those things. A YunJae fan who obsessively stalks the boys, tries to fit them into some strange fantasy or causes any of them to feel uncomfortable is not doing so because they are a YunJae fan. They're doing it because they don't respect those three basic rights.

I tend to be a pretty mellow fan. I listen to the music, read some fan fictions and write a few essays. I'm too broke to go see either of the new groups live, and even if I weren't, I'm WAY too self-conscious to follow them around town or shout things at them. Have you seen Jaejoong's face? He makes me feel like mud.

And not just regular mud. Incredibly unattractive mud.

I view fandoms as having two separate spheres: the one which the artists creates (the music, the videos, their image and actions during concerts/television appearances; basically any situation in which the artist is present) and the one the fans create (fan websites, fan fictions, fan videos, communities on places such as LiveJournal, soompi and Tumblr). I fully support fans being able to continue supporting YunJae in the fan sphere in any way they desire.

This is especially true for us international fans. Is a LiveJournal post that squees over the fact that Jaejoong and Yunho both wore a diamond stud earring in their left ear on the same Tuesday in July silly? Just a little. Is it evidence that the boys are secretly engaged? Doubt it. But is it harmful? No. Neither Yunho nor Jaejoong are checking out the English/Spanish/Tagalog/French/Klingon works surrounding their relationship. Those type of posts may annoy some folks, but they're not likely to affect the boys' personal lives. Guys and gals, have your fun. Fan works are one of the many reasons I've gotten sucked into k-pop as deeply as I have.

Well, it appears the fandom caught the interest of one Mr. Jung, too.

Now when it comes to the artists' sphere, the artist is in charge. As such, I just have one piece of advice: Use common sense and follow the boys' lead. If they seem to be having an off day, give them a break and just let them know they are supported. Things are still rough for both HoMin and JYJ; each group is still looking for their footing in a fickle entertainment world. Jae can't be worried about Yunho if his own career is threatening to crumble down around him, and Yunho doesn't need the Ghost of TVXQ Past floating around his head every time he takes the stage. However, if there seems to be a sense that YunJae would be accepted, feel free to enjoy it. Taking all of that in mind, I don't agree with the actions of some YunJae fans who shouted Yunho's name at Jae during an appearance on the "Tonight" show in Thailand.

Fan chants at a concert are one thing; shouting Yunho's name during a taping of a show on which he is a guest is another. Jae played the situation off as well as could be expected and didn't bring it up in following interviews or shows. But there was some muttering in the fandom about it. There were even rumors that Indonesian officials cancelled the Indonesian leg of the JYJ tour due to protests against the "pro-gay" image Jaejoong portrayed. The rumors were false (the Indonesian stops were cancelled due to disagreements between the concert planners and JYJ's management agency), but it was enough to cause some fans to begin turn against YunJae.

I can't tell people to not ship YunJae and I can't tell them to not not ship YunJae; all I ask is that whatever you do, respect the boys. Respect their privacy, respect their wishes and respect their emotions. (And please, don't mention the smut out in public. We don't need to let the boys in on how perverted we all are.)

YunJae: Now 138% More Real

Kim Jaejoong: "Still in Love"

Like I said, YunJae is a whole different creature in this post-lawsuit world. Our boys have been split up and, therefore, there aren't any glances, handholds or hugs to fangirl over. We don't even get to see them in the same room anymore. This means that the evidence supporting YunJae is less concrete than before. But on the other hand: Kim Jaejoong.

Every time I feel like giving up the faith, this man does something or says something or laughs at something with so much love that I just gush. As we learned in the first post, Jaejoong isn't that good at behaving himself. Or at hiding his affection for Yunho.

Please don't ask him to do both at the same time. Seriously, it's one or the other.

Let's take those traits and add some new circumstances. (See? I didn't go on and on about the split just to bore you.) First, because of JYJ's ban from music shows, the majority of their performances have been live. Not just live, but intimate with smaller audiences than TVXQ's huge concerts. Their shows frequently promote interaction between the guys and their audience members (i.e. shout-outs, dance tutorials, secret concerts). Second, as I mentioned before, JYJ have taken a great deal of control over the music product they put out. And let's just say Jaejoong doesn't hold much back. Finally, Jae has access to Twitter. And Twitter's always getting people into trouble. Just ask Junsu.

I think Jaejoong has mastered the art of being a Visible Invisible. He can say what he wants, do what he wants (within reason), write as many brokenhearted song lyrics as he wants, but as long as he stops short of saying "I love this man," he'll always be protected by the assumption that he's 100 percent straight.

Postcard from Heaven Interview

Watch this video. Watch this video and please tell me just what is so funny?

Oh my lord, you beautiful boy. Are you banging your head on the table, Kim Jaejoong? Are you seriously being that obvious? Is this what happens when Changmin isn't around to keep you in line?

Now, maybe this isn't an example of YunJae. Maybe Jae just has the giggles. Or maybe he's always secretly found Yunho's name hilarious but never laughed at him because he didn't want to hurt his feelings. Maybe he has some dirt on Yunho and is laughing to keep from revealing the fact that Yunho has a crippling fear of...hell, I don't know...clouds. Maybe the person who asked the question was really ugly.

Or maybe Jaejoong can't help but smile at the thought of Jung Yunho. He's not the only one.

I love this video. It's one of the happier moments Jaejoong's had following the initial lawsuit. This is the scene that started the rather iffy habit of fans yelling out Yunho's name whenever Jae performed live. Say what you want about all those other instances, you can't deny the smile on his face here.

The Text Messages

In a series of magazine interviews, Jaejoong revealed that JYJ had tried calling the other two but were unable to reach them. Yunho replied in a later interview that neither he nor Changmin ever received the calls and that it could have been due to the fact that they didn't know JYJ's new numbers and had their calls blocked. And in response to that announcement, our ever loving Jae took to his Twitter and reached out to the other two.

I have to follow the English translated Twitter feed, okay?

That tweet alone isn't really that coo-worthy. (Okay…so actually, it kinda is. Jae is totally talking to his "Lovely Yunho" here. I bet the text he sent was full of emoticons and smileys, too.) What is coo-worthy are Junsu's tweets to HoMin in response to Jae's tweet.

I love this boy. I love his face. I love his hair. I love his pants. I love his squishy, dorky angel heart. Junsu didn't send his own "call me" tweet. He sent a tweet asking a certain "you" to contact a certain "him." That settles it. If Junsu has kept his faith in the YunJae bond, so will I.

"Nine"

"Nine," "Nine," "Nine"…oh my god, "Nine!" You cannot know YunJae and not know of this song. This may be the closest thing any of us will ever get to an admission that YunJae exists. Let's go over some key lines (and by "key," I mean all of them):

Do you know what’s call love?
No, in fact I have no idea about it either…
Just don’t know it, Ye.
My heart feels hot, and I keep running and keep tearing up
What should I do?
Should I go pleading with bent knees?
I don’t know, too Ye.
I keep finding you and running,
I’m back to the original spot even when I keep walking.
Do you not love me?
Do you not want to forget?

Even if I want to start anew
It doesn’t seems easy for our love.
My memories, sweet memories,
I have become someone who can no longer hide it.
Forget the old days,
We just need to have the two of us.
Know we know it, don’t we?
We know it even if we don’t say it out.
Tomorrow, we will shout out of the yesterday that isn’t too far.
I’m sorry that I can’t say it I love you, my dear.
Maybe times I’ve tried calling,
I’ve been thinking about what to say…
I don’t know it, too Ye.
Even as I fall asleep and wake up,
I can’t stop myself from wanting to find you
Look at me, look at the me now
Although it feels awkward because I’ve changed so much, wait.
Let’s not be too far apart,
I make a promise to the world ahead of me.

...
...
...

Really? You expect some sort of commentary following that? Well, I'll try.

Jae's emotions are pretty much all laid out there in the open. If I started pulling quotes from this song, I'd probably end up just retyping the whole thing. The song was written in 2010. Yunho and Jaejoong meet in 2001. The only way he could have made it any more obvious that this song was written for Yunho was if he had Junsu and Yoochun chanting his name in the background.

Cutest. Wingmen. Evah!

Now some on the Internet are viewing this as song to TVXQ. Yep, Jae's song to TVXQ. All two of them. ("We just need to have the two of us.") Sorry, but no. Nine years before this song was written, there was no TVXQ. In fact, if my k-pop history lessons have been paying off, Jae and Yunho were originally placed in a group called Four Seasons with Super Junior's Heechul and Kangin. So this ain't for TVXQ ... at least not for all of them.

Then, there was talk the song was written for Jae's main man, Yoochun. ... Why? Yoochun's right there. Jae doesn't need to compose any songs for him. He could text him. Or tweet him. Or just walk across the room and go "S'up?" The only time they've been separated was when they had opposing filming schedules, and unless Jaejoong just really missed Chunnie during the filming of Sungkyunkwan Scandal, a song just doesn't seem necessary. (And where's Junsu's song if that's the case? No love for SuSu?)

I suppose this song could have just been written to a generic female, but considering this is on an album featuring Yoochun's angry "Untitled" rap and Junsu's reaffirming "Fallen Leaves," I'm thinking this song is personal. And there's only one person I know of who Jaejoong shared "sweet memories" with and who he would run back to on "pleading knees." It's the one who's not nearby, the one of which the only way Jae can communicate with is through song.

Jung Yunho: "Before U Go"

Before we go too far, let me take this time to apologize in advance for the apparent shortchanging of Yunho in favor of Jaejoong. Yunho's always been hard to read in terms of YunJae. Thanks to the split, he's damn near indecipherable.

Unlike Jaejoong, we don't have self-composed lyrics or Tweets to analyze. Everything Yunho does has to go through the filter that is S.M. Entertainment. I'm not going to go so far as to call Yunho a liar, but he's clearly in the position where he has to keep quiet about the suit and his personal life.

Case in point: Yunho's neck.

The explanation behind this is either really violent or really sexy.

The Missing Ship

The key to Yunho isn't necessarily what he's doing, it's what he isn't doing. If YunJae was just for show, where's the new ship to replace it? Since Jae's departure, there's been no one for Yunho to hug up on or play the appa/umma game with. There have been no glances or hand holds. No intimate hugs and no declarations of love.

I'll give S.M. credit; they've actually done a pretty decent job at making HoMin the new "it" ship, but it's just not the same. Changmin doesn't tolerate the lovey-doveyness the way Jaejoong did. And when he does take part in the playing the HoMin game, he tends to do so in a way that makes it obvious it's for show.

There's a fine line between fanservice and sexual harassment, Minnie.

As happy as Jae's activities leave me, I can't help but feel brokenhearted for Yunho. He just looks incredibly alone sometimes. The man's lost his best friend due to a stupid legal dispute. He has to serve as leader for a now fragmented group without the man that's always been his main source of support. Changmin is there, ever the snarky maknae, but he doesn't adore Yunho nearly the same way as Jae did. It's rather strange to see Yunho in a photo without Jaejoong watching over him.

And the thigh gropes. I kind of miss the thigh gropes.

And if the reports of Yunho and Changmin crying over Jae's "I miss HoMin" tweet are true, he hasn't exactly gotten over losing his Jae yet.

In the past, Yunho was always considered the strong one. Even now, Changmin has said that Yunho hides his tears and sadness away from everyone. He soldiers on like the good leader he is and he doesn't let the world see his pain. Before, this didn't worry me because he had Jae and the others there to support him.

Jaejoong is strong enough to carry Yunho. I think we sometimes forget that.

I had faith that the other four members were there to comfort the real Yunho and his heartache. And considering how close Jaejoong and Yunho were, I'm sure Jae saw sides of the man even the others didn't get to see. But, with Jaejoong so far away, who's comforting him now?

Changmin doesn't mind listening, but no touching please.

Keep Your Head Down Fanmeeting
While fans are yelling Yunho's name at Jae, other fans are asking Yunho to autograph their YunJae family portrait banners.

This more than likely doesn't mean anything. Actually, this is exactly how I would expect Yunho to react to hearing Jaejoong and YunJae brought up. He's polite, friendly and doesn't say anything too incriminating.

But that "Jaejoongie"...

I don't know if he said it simply out of habit or because he wanted to tease the fangirl in front of him and, to be honest, I don't really care. He just says it so naturally, so kindly, that I just know he still cares for Jae. He wouldn't be able to pull it off that smoothly otherwise.

Your Jaejoongie would love to hear from you, Yunho. And maybe someday soon you'll all be in a place where that can happen.

Yunho's Changing Image
There is one final thing I would like to bring up regarding Yunho. In the good ole' days of YunJae, Yunho was always considered the manly one of the group. In fact, that was a common argument people used to explain why Yunho couldn't have any feelings for Jaejoong. (And again I say to those people, you're very confused.)

Now, I don't believe either man's masculinity has any sort of bearing on their feelings for each other, but I would just like to share this:

That fact that the mascara vibrates makes this all the more awesome.

I knew you had it in you, Yunho. I knew it all along.

(Okay, so I have been informed that this image is fan-made. The ad is fan-made; Yunho is 100 percent real. Which is why I'm keeping this image in the post. Because he is just that fabulous.)

Conclusion

I don't know what the point of me writing this was. I can't offer any definite answers or proof that the boys are still close. I know there are many who are angered by JYJ's actions and hurt by HoMin's words. And there's really nothing I can do to make that hurt better. But please just remember, these five gods we all love so much, are human.

Perhaps we set our expectations of the five too high. They grew up in front of us as gods who seemed to be able to do no wrong. They smiled to the fans and thanked us for all the support. They never bickered amongst themselves, at least not in public and not in a way that wasn't affectionate. The were humble, polite, down-to-earth and handsome. Maybe we just forgot that they do the same dumb human things as you and I.

Humans don't make sense. Humans sometimes hurt people they love. Humans say stupid things. Humans change their mind. And, most importantly of all, humans forgive.

So, until the day they appear on stage again together—not necessarily as one, but together—I'll keep the faith that these crazy acting, confusing, infuriating, loving, adorable five will remember all the crazy, confusing, infuriating, loving and adoring moments they've had together.

And as for Jaejoong and Yunho, I don't know what will become of these two, but I do know this: They are the role models for the love I want in my life. I want someone who's my best friend, who's my confidant, who's my protector and who's mine to protect. I want someone, who even after being apart for a time unknown, I can still think of only the good in them. They currently have that, and while they may be human and they may do dumb things, I know they're not dumb enough to throw that away.

Stay strong, boys. You all have survived so much, so far, and I know your strength will be rewarded. I promise you that.

A/N: Oh. My. G-Dragon. This is way too long to be healthy. Why did you all let me write this? I demand someone come to my house and smack my laptop out of my grasp. (I'm only kidding. Please don't hurt my lappy; it's all I have to connect me to the real world.)

This was both heartbreaking and a joy to write. I like writing these serious, scholarly essays about things like k-pop and shipping. Even with things as sad as they are with TVXQ, I honestly belief in that happy ending. You know why? Because I am that girl. I want everyone in the world to find their true love, eat great food and do stupid things with their best friends. Call me naive, whatevs. Making that my new world outlook has made me a happier person.

And I just want to think everyone who read, commented, memmed or even just glanced at the last YunJae essay I wrote. It has quite easily become the most-read thing I've ever written. I'm not one of the writers who puts out a lot of work, so I'm always thrilled whenever anything I like is well-received. You all have no idea how honored I am at your kind words. Thanks and I hope this essay can live up to even a tenth of what the last essay did.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Location: In jail for dognapping if my neighbor's dog doesn't shut it
Current Music: David Bisbal - Si Falta El Aire

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

k-musiclover.livejournal.com

OMG!!!! I love you so much right now. It's amazing to see someone write a true non-biased lovely view on the whole ordeal. I too wish for them to reunite as 5 and I respect them to do so when and if they can. I will continue to support them in all that they do apart or together. My love for them has not and will not waver. Thank you for your beautiful post.

From:

elle's letters

Essay: "Survivor: Keeping the Faith in a Post-Lawsuit World, (YJ)" Part 2/2, TVXQ/DBSK/Tohoshinki

To YunJae or Not to YunJae: That is the Question

YunJae: Now 138% More Real

Kim Jaejoong: "Still in Love"

Postcard from Heaven Interview

The Text Messages

"Nine"

Jung Yunho: "Before U Go"

The Missing Ship

Keep Your Head Down Fanmeeting

Yunho's Changing Image

Conclusion

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